Just a feeling!

Since the last few weeks, during the nights when I am having those cute "little" chats and I listen to both of 'em talking to each other in hushy voices and laughing over it, I get this feeling, "I am confused.....am I?well if I am not, why am I not? I should be!" And finally tonight when I was watching this random Top Gear episode where Jeremy was comparing a newly released Audi and a Merc (both of the same class) I finally realised, sometimes decisions rather opinions are made very abstractly. They are not always based on logic. Sometimes you just like something more than the other. Even though a factual comparison might ask you to opine differently,theres some voice within, which would just not give in to all those logical babble and compell you to go with the one you have chosen.

What I am going through is exactly like being in a situation where you are asked to choose one among the Audi and the Merc. You know both the cars have their own strengths and weaknesses but as a whole they are quite comparable, but the Audi burns a smaller whole in your pocket. At the same time you also know the over priced Merc has its reason to be so, I mean after all its a MERCEDES. Its got a reputation and status statement that the Audi can only envy of. And if both are affordable then the simple human nature(at least most of ours) of showing off would ask you to go for the Merc. 

But no, in my case therz this inner voice which doesnt let me think of anything other than the Audi. It might be because I have had an Audi for so long that I am too attached to it to leave it or simply beacuse I am afraid of experimenting (or might be because seeing me in a Merc people would say "kaise kaise chuttiyon ko mil jati hai be"), I dont know what the reason is. As of now I am simply happy to have discovered that from within, what I want is the Audi and I am damn happy with it,and if I am not confused it is only obvious why I am not.

"WHAT" can I celebrate?

"Aye mere watna ke logon, jara aankh mein bhar lo paani......jo sahid hue hein unki, jara yaad karo kurbaani......"

Death, is usually associated with sorrow.........grief....... pain....... but have we ever acknowledged the sense of pride that gets attached to a dead person?

Every human's death is "celebrated" by some or the other group. Its only when someone very close to us dies, that we realize how important and how fragile our lives are........and then, we try to LIVE our lives more meaningfully, doing things our true inner self wants us to do...........but as every other feeling, this too passes with time and slowly we come back to the fast track on which life here moves.

On occasions when we take a break from the daily routines, sit back and let our minds roam free.......we are reminded of people who had meant a lot to us, but are now DEAD..........I dont know what most of you feel, when you are reminded of such people but I can never name whatever I feel for them as grief or anything close to it....................the closest feeling to it that i have known is PRIDE...........proud to have known him, spent time with him, ......proud to have been associated with him, ..........but then i suddenly think was this the same thing that i felt when he was alive...and after a long reminiscence I conclude.........NO........the feeling was a lot different then.......he was just another human..............just another person i knew...................and he had made mistakes too, for which I had hated him at times.............BUT i dont seem to be able to somehow muster the same hatred for him anymore. Its then that i wonder, "Is death the only one way we can celebrtae someone?".............. or is it that, i am just too depressed to look at the colours around me, am i too engrossed to notice the aura of delirium around every other alive human being around me.

Afetr having thought indolently about this for a long time i finally get up and decide to get back to the real world, but alas! no more does the real world exist........ everything seems to have lost its meaning, nothing seems to be eternal no action seems worth it...........I still wonder........Is there something I can actually celebrate?